I lost my Father on Christmas Day 2019, it has only been 3 months. In the heartache I continued to try to keep up with something that made me feel normal. Walking has always been my escape. So I reminded myself to do this one little act.
My history with owning a pet has not been the best. Growing up we always had a guard Dog. I was not that educated on owning a pet because my parents did not teach it unfortunately. But as a child I loved Dogs and knew when I grew up I wanted to be a Veterinarian. So I would say when I grew up, if I had a Dog I would want to walk it and take good care of it. I also knew that I would get a pet when I was ready.
Fast forward, I have 3 children now. My oldest Daughter begged me to have a puppy as soon as she started talking. I knew that was her heart’s desire. In doing research I kept saying no due to all the extra work it would be on me so we waited but finally gave in.
We purchased an adorable Yorkie and named her Mocha. My youngest was only an infant and I was nursing on demand. This puppy drove me nuts in the beginning. At night she wanted to be in the same room with me and while I was nursing my baby I had my foot by the Crate so Mocha could smell and feel me near by. This was during the night. So I also co-slept with my nursing baby and by some magical way I was able to feel when Mocha needed to go pee. Of course she would whimper or cry so I knew that was her letting me know she had to go. So if you can imagine this, I had to put my sleeping baby down, grab my puppy and take her to her pee pad which was inside the kitchen so I tiptoed so quietly so I wouldn’t wake my baby up, then tiptoed back to put her inside her crate then slowly try to get into bed without waking my baby up. This went on for several weeks maybe even months. Till this day I still do not know how I did it. She grew up and my Children fell in love with her. I didn’t get a chance to experience that love right away because I had so much on my plate and was the caretaker of not only 3 small children but now I had to take care of another living being. The only thing that excited me about having a Dog was that I would be able to have a walking buddy. And I knew that she would help me be healthy.
Dogs & Grief by Jessica M.
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As I mentioned above when my Father passed away the only thing I wanted to keep up with was going out for a walk. And of course I wanted to bring Mocha along. My alone walks were my exit way to try to cope with all the emotions I have been going through. This little Dog made me smile when I felt I didn’t have any more smiles in me. It’s almost as if she knew the deep sorrow I felt. There were walks where I was crying so hard and she would pull me as if she was saying c’mon let’s just keep on going. Or times where I was just walking and I felt as if I was going nowhere because I felt so numb and she just knew the way and led me through our trail.
There are times when we walk and I feel the pain swallowing me and she will hop like a bunny rabbit out of nowhere and she knows that always makes me crack up and she does it. I have grown to appreciate that connection she made with me during the most difficult times of my entire life, and I will forever be grateful. It’s a long journey for me but I am glad I have this little dog to join me every day in my walks now and look forward to it in some way.
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